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Poems from in between

Poems from in between

by Jenifer Cartland


  • July 6, 2014

    Sort of a lamentation

    The bottom line is that you should be afraid of poetry,
    coming as it does when you least expect it
    and asking so much, as if it knows you well enough to do that.

    Regret pulls on you for starting,
    and for ending too soon, for hollowing you out
    and leaving empty shells everywhere.

    You should never write poetry, even worse.
    There is no sense in it.
    All it does is leave you wondering what you said —

    Is what I just said really words and sentences,
    have I lapsed into paragraphs,
    or maybe I have invented a new language

    (like the woman with long gray hair in my mother’s room
    who spoke in chants from some ancient forest — in truth —
    and frightened my children, them hovering close to me

    and even to my mother, who could not speak at all,
    only blinked, and me promising myself to never make them
    visit again, and that was the last they saw of her)?

    What is the point of all that —
    danger, defying death, hanging yourself in effigy —
    what not even you can understand?

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  • June 28, 2014

    A few haiku on having and not having

    i.

    The cup I hold is
    three quarters full;
    I want seconds.

    ii.

    Begging, clutching
    what does not yet exist,
    moments slipping through.

    iii.

    Coals glowing,
    the fire draws to its end,
    swallowed by momentum.

    iv.

    Cleaning the shed
    of leaves once under your feet,
    replaced by the breeze.

    v.

    How many haiku
    of sand washing away,
    reshaping dunes?

    vi.

    Words pile up
    under our umbrella,
    silenced by rain.

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  • June 24, 2014

    She struts

    She struts ahead of me,
    the hem of her black dress
    with bunches of pink flowers
    swings at mid-thigh,

    reminding me of that longer dress,
    black with turquoise flowers,
    new buttons (one a cameo) and reset seams
    I so loved to wear with black tights,

    which does not fit anymore
    though it remains in the basement
    to be pulled out and
    questioned each fall,

    my hips and middle having
    ’expanded from child birth,’
    as my mother used to say
    when she twitched in her skirts —

    I never believed her
    so do not deserve to believe me.

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  • June 22, 2014

    End of season

    It is as I notice the half-used
    garlic bulb on the window sill,
    papers torn and frayed,
    that my mind turns to the wild overgrowth
    in the woods which we cannot tame,
    the constant leaf fall over the deck,
    which always needs sweeping,
    the fact that you are not here,
    and neither is anyone else,
    that I again had hoped
    to make one more meal,
    during which we would be as we are,
    and as we so much love to be,
    not being willing to admit
    what all the evidence made plain,
    being left surprised and wounded
    that now this house
    must be closed up again,
    and emptied.

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  • June 10, 2014

    Thoughts on visiting my grandfather’s grave

    Up where the invisible line
    draws from this stone
    to that imagined field,
    where there was built
    a world of fact
    that begot more fact,
    now history,
    begetting ever more facts,
    now contested history,
    begetting truths,
    now buried in the hearts
    of my children
    (who you do not know
    except through me
    because of you
    and the way you held me,
    coaxed me, cajoled me,
    laughed with me),

    there you once stood
    as factual as this old oak.
    There you built things
    of your own imagination.
    There you showed me those things,
    gave them freely,
    lavishly, with open-heart,
    while history took the turns it chose,
    pulling them back,
    shifting the sand this way and that,
    dissolving that true world
    back into imagination.

    But, here, see the children —
    they are witnesses still.
    It is written here.

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  • June 7, 2014

    The boy stands

    The boy stands and bounces,
    holding the edge of the sofa,
    humming sloppy raspberries,
    grinning,
    losing his balance,
    bewildered.

    The boy stands and swings
    across the plate,
    adjusting in midair,
    stained
    with clay and grass,
    intent.

    The boy stands and shreds,
    fingers ripple across the strings,
    builds patterns, textures,
    stutters,
    shifts his arm,
    absorbed.

    The boy stands and flings
    his mortarboard clear to the sky,
    turns to remember the boy who cannot,
    joining
    a sea of others,
    uncertain.

    The boy stands and leans
    into the pressing swells,
    taking his chances,
    not knowing
    what will come,
    awakening.

    ———————————-
    My youngest graduated high school this week . . . I think a good mother would have struck a more optimistic tone. But, life is complicated and it is hard not to see that even in the most jubilant of moments.

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